I haven't even applied for visa,exit permit,buy plane tickets and I'm already feeling unhappy about going back for studies. Dad just told me this over dinner; that I should stay at Uncle Boon's house because it's cheaper. So,we're going to sacrifice comfort and personal space for lower living costs. Does that mean I have to eat instant noodles every meal while i'm there? Or eat 2 meals a day? Since it saves money what, regardless of my well-being. Then what's the point of going back to finish my studies? I might as well BUY A DEGREE CERTIFICATE and save the plane ticket costs,tuition fee costs, living expenses etc.
I don't feel like explaning to him about it by mouth,it's too confusing and he won't understand it so i'll put it here. My plan is to go back and finish my studies in one year while managing my health. This means that at the very least I should feel comfortable to going back to live in Sheffield. Money should be well spent on making sure I live and eat comfortably,so that I can successfully finish my final year. Not try to cut costs here and there and end up making me depressed again and have to repeat another year.
AS MUCH AS I HATE LIVING WITH SOME FLATMATES IN THE PAST,i'LL RATHER LIVE WITH THEM THAN AT UNCLE BOON'S HOUSE. I hate the stairs, the kitchen, the cramped space, things that look like they're going to spoil anytime soon, the place is really too far from my lecture theaters. If something spoils,who am I going to call? If the internet (if there is one) went down,then what? I don't like to study at the library, and I have more success studying at home than in the library. If ask me to spend more time outside my room,then ask this question : Have i really changed much since I left the uk? I need time to readjust and then try even if not successful, to avoid the mistakes I made in the past. I'm not in the army anymore, I can't live my life as cheaply as possible. This is the fucking 21st century. I have my own needs too.. You want to call me names like spoilt brat,pampered,ungrateful, go ahead. I don't care. It's not like i'm asking to stay in a 5 star hotel for a year. It's not as if I'm planning to spend money recklessly. All i ask for is to live in a place I am familiar with and don't mind staying for a year. Yes,i have complained that my accomodations are bad in the past,but it still is more attractive than staying at uncle boon's house. Also,most of the friends that i made there (which is very little),are my former flatmates. So if I succumb to my fear of not going out to socialise,that's it for me if i stay at uncle boon's house. I wasn't so against staying at his house before,but now that dad mentioned he wants to save money,i'm very against it.
Sure,if he force to stay at uncle boon's house,then I will go. But i cannot guarantee my health,well-being, and if I can finish my degree programme within the year. This is not a threat. This is a prediction of what will happen if I'm placed in a place I don't like to stay in.
If he really wants to save money,then I think it's time for me to consider ending my degree programme and do a generic private degree here in Singapore. At this point in life, I feel more interested in astronomy related subjects (astrobiology) than my current degree contents,but that means I have to start over,and I don't want to waste anymore time and money to pursue a new course.
