Finally received that piece of paper that has no meaning on me,but costs so much,along with the suffering on the way. They showed all the good times the graduands had,but to be honest,I hardly had any good times,particularly since I've returned to finish my degree last Sep. I was so unknown that my coursemates asked,who's this zhiyuan chin across me,but I didn't answer as I already felt depressed knowing I have 0 good memories. Yeah sure there's a few here and there,but most of it was prior to my depression. I sure wish there was some way to feed back to the uni so that the uni staff will recognise others who might be in a situation as I and ensure that they have a better situation during their time in the uni. They're always saying about multicultural stuff,but how about individual characters? After all,not everybody can fit into the English culture instantly. Another thing I've learned is, quiet/shy/introvert/whatever people tend to become isolated instantly I knew that from the beginning,but it's still impossible to change that in me. I didn't want to be isolated, but It's hard for me to speak up in real life, so in a way I forced myself into lonliness and sometimes I chose solitude, and it just gets more confusing differentiating between lonliness and solitude.
I have come to realise that since when I first seeked treatment for depression, I've begun to start blaming myself for anything that went wrong. It's my fault is literally my motto. I like to think of the black dog as the grim reaper instead,because these two semesters was as bad as when i first became depressed,along with suicidal thoughts. How do I get help if I struggle to speak up? I think my mentality really became pessimistic since depression. I really needed some cognitive behaviour therapy,but will I manage to bring myself to go for the therapy consistently? I doubt it.
Either way,somehow I pulled through and finished this. I'll just proceed to forget everything I've ever done in Sheffield University (but not the city), because it's mostly hermit life that I had. Going back home seems like a good idea,but reservist training is going to be new again to me,and with it comes another source for depression. Being depressed already made me a lot fatter,and i'm already struggling not to keep eating,and going to the gym.
The revision surgery is yet another one. I'm really worried my hearing for my left ear dropped when the pus discharge from my left ear started.
The revision surgery is yet another one. I'm really worried my hearing for my left ear dropped when the pus discharge from my left ear started.
It was meant to be a joyous occasion today, but when I saw what I could have done if I avoided depression and all the character flaws and childish behaviour....Forget it then. I'll just cherish what little fond memories I have
Also,i want to just say that the graduation ceremony is damn infromal and budgeted. Which graduation ceremony will I only go up and shake hands,and only when i get off the stage then i take the certificate from another person? wtf? I worked so hard for that piece of paper and that's how they give it to me? I have loads of other complaints,but this one is the most annoying one.
Also,i want to just say that the graduation ceremony is damn infromal and budgeted. Which graduation ceremony will I only go up and shake hands,and only when i get off the stage then i take the certificate from another person? wtf? I worked so hard for that piece of paper and that's how they give it to me? I have loads of other complaints,but this one is the most annoying one.
