Let's delete 5 dec 2025 off my memory please, because it's the most painful day I've ever had. Despite the treatment is for my brain tumour, which is already the best option out there, it still almost wasn't worth the pain. Shit, the shit part was putting on the collar and metal parts to hold my head, they screwed in so fucking hard and the worst part is, the just injected local anesthetic to the four parts of my head where the collar will be clamped in place, AND THEY COULDN'T FUCKING WAIT FOR THE ANESTHETIC TO TAKE EFFECT FIRST BEFORE LOCKING IN? WHAT THE FUCK? I swear, this is the MOST PHYSICALLY PAINFUL experience I ever had! When they ask for feedback, I must demand an answer why it's done in this sequence. Then after like 20 minutes of calming down after the anesthetic took effect, I had to go for an hour's MRI scan. Fucking great. Lying there stiff and motionless for an hour! And then after that, we got taken to Mount E. @ novena where I had to take 2 hours with the collar crap on, and eating and drinking was a struggle. Thank goodness for the private hospital's hospitality that made the 2 hours' wait a little easier with a nurse specially attached to my case until my discharge. Then, nearly 2 hours of lying flat again, but this time I'm allowed some room to move my limbs a bit, but my head is locked in place by a cage, so I can't move even if I tried. Then, here comes the pain again after the radiation is done, when I got the collar crap removed.
Do you, you, the one reading this. Do you have any fucking idea how much it hurts? Upon the removal of the crap, at first there's just some tingling senssation, but suddenly the pain hit! The lack of pressure from the crap is causing me pain, said the nurse. But fuck it hurts so badly I had to ask the nurse for panadol quickly! Even after like 1/2 hour after taking panadol, I'm still in agony. Like no joke. AGONY! I had to keep walking around the clinic area just to find some distraction from the intense pain! The nurse decided to give me a much stronger painkiller and even that took like 15 minutes to have any effect. Fuck, the whole treatment, while I know it's best for me, was excruciatingly painful. From the physical pain of the collar being placed/removed, to the mental torture that is lying still and stiff for hours. And yes, I did cry a little from the collar placing, it was just that painful. I'll say any more of that and I truly will lose control of myself, and I think I'm normally fairly tolerant of physical pain too. It's fucked up really.
