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"Introversion is an inward orientation to life, and extroversion is an outward orientation to life. You probably use both, but one of these orientations usually feel more at home (more comfortable,more interesting,more energising) Introverts gain energy by reflecting and expend energy through interactions while extroverts are the opposite." (Took this out of the current book I'm reading by Laurie Helgoe, 'Introvert Power')
I definitely know now that I'm an introvert,because after having gone through a year and a half of therapy and still continuing, I'm able to dig deeper into myself and find it so much more easier and intuitive to self-reflect. I mean, the previous book on introverts, I took so long to read because I had to pause almost every page to reflect and relate on what is being discussed. In a way, I am doing exactly what I'm writing about now, self-reflecting. It helps keep me in check and authentic my choices in life. I find myself more determined to finish this second book and manage to remember to read a chapter or two once a day.
In a society that favours extroversion, we all want to blend in, have fun and do whatever people think is cool. Be a hipster, go clubbing, smoke, travel to exotic destinations etc. As a singaporean, I grew up only knowing how to mug for exams, and adopted the mentality of having to be the best at academics. As I look back on my childhood and teenage years, I find myself lacking so many things that are common knowledge to people. I just thought that I was anti-social, or some other term others used to judge me by (or self-imagined judgement by others). These are just a few examples, but I've learnt from the book that introverts in an even more extrovert society like in the West, tend to have to deal with a lot more pressure from others. I guess I should take the time to say I cherish the environment that I grew up in because I didn't face all the troubles that introverts in the West has faced and what I do face ios mostly these imagined 'judgements' that came from my bullied past that has haunted me ever since childhood.
In a society that favours extroversion, we all want to blend in, have fun and do whatever people think is cool. Be a hipster, go clubbing, smoke, travel to exotic destinations etc. As a singaporean, I grew up only knowing how to mug for exams, and adopted the mentality of having to be the best at academics. As I look back on my childhood and teenage years, I find myself lacking so many things that are common knowledge to people. I just thought that I was anti-social, or some other term others used to judge me by (or self-imagined judgement by others). These are just a few examples, but I've learnt from the book that introverts in an even more extrovert society like in the West, tend to have to deal with a lot more pressure from others. I guess I should take the time to say I cherish the environment that I grew up in because I didn't face all the troubles that introverts in the West has faced and what I do face ios mostly these imagined 'judgements' that came from my bullied past that has haunted me ever since childhood.
Introverts are defined as weird people, and that definitely does not make one feel good to be labelled 'weird'. Of course, to a confident introvert, that might not affect the individual much, but to me, it felt like I stood out from the rest,and believe me, attracting attention is at the forefront of my worries. The book I'm reading currently mentioned that introversion has been referred to as a diagnosis, but then it started talking about how introversion isn't an illness, but a way of life. I know I should stop worrying about what people say, but at the same time, I can't totally ignore everyone's words of advice just because they're not valid to me, and so like everything else in life, it needs a healthy balance. Nonetheless, all the advice people have given me has made sense to me, only that I required a more in-depth and thorough explanation to fully understand and reading these self-help books is the best thing I've ever done.
At this point, I think that I've comprised of a complex mixture of shyness,introversion and some extroversion, but sometimes it's hard to differentiate, so I thought hard about some of my behaviours.
1) I'm not afraid to share my issues with strangers online. Sharing my issues online isn't that personal, and being online is literally a safe haven for introverts.
2) I ghost (ignore) people when the discussion becomes too dry for my liking. This happens more for online conversations, while in real-life, I may wander off to day dream as any introvert would do again. It's just part of me to wander around in my imagination when the topics are out of my knowledge.
1) I'm not afraid to share my issues with strangers online. Sharing my issues online isn't that personal, and being online is literally a safe haven for introverts.
2) I ghost (ignore) people when the discussion becomes too dry for my liking. This happens more for online conversations, while in real-life, I may wander off to day dream as any introvert would do again. It's just part of me to wander around in my imagination when the topics are out of my knowledge.
Meanwhile, I know part of my is actually shy and not introverted, just not really sure how to describe it. Sometimes I need to talk to get my needs, but rather than to ask, I kept it in myself and just endure. i.e. if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just sit there and do nothing. Hard to change this, because it's been there most of my life. Also, shyness as described in the book means that one is eager to talk but probably lacks social skills to do so,while introverts can talk easily but will get over-stimulated and need alone time. I guess the only thing for me to do is to prioritize what is more important to me, and personally I prefer quality of conversation for hours at a time over small talk, even though I do understand the necessity for it and will learn more from reading self-help books to find balance in life. As I've said in the starting paragraph, I prefer a focused discussion and try to avoid any digression. Still, having unclouded my mind from depression, I realise that I actually am ok with people wandering off topics and stuff. It does bug me a little to not return to the topic I wanted to talk about, but whatever, I let my go-with-the-flow extroverted side of me take over rather than asserting myself.
"We're encouraged to keep moving, to look for that happy place - and buy it if we can. But introverts are wired to pause and reflect; we're attracted to questions; we want the whole story. So we might stumble onto sadness on the way to the truth. Is that really a problem?"
Introverts also tend to seek out therapy more than extroverts, because they are eager to understand themselves better. Yet funnily enough, all the struggles in my life gave me purpose for living. I am thankful for having the opportunity to try and become a better version of me. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't study in the UK, got depressed, came home, got sent to IMH, went through many therapy sessions, decided to pick up reading, and then by chance coming across my first self help book that truly caught my eye. I remember in the past I was talking about hedonism,and this book helps me to describe why maximising pleasure while minimising pain is actually an unhappy pursuit. It's really simple and that's because introverts do enjoy happiness but we want to solve problems and find meaning more,and that is more stimulating than to always put on a smiling face and execute the get-happy mandate. Using this knowledge, I think I can validate myself as an introvert, because rather than working on materialistic goals, even like personal grooming etc,i prefer to work and analyse the inner self. Having a stylish hairstyle doesn't instantly mean you're a good person, and vice versa. Personally, I definitely know there's a theme of quality of quantity here, whether is it friends or goals or experiences or items. If I really was so desperate for a girlfriend,wouldn't I have dressed and groomed myself better so to attract as many girls as possible? Yet, I still stubbornly prefer my own style because it feels comfortable to me and is really not a risk worth taking to attract UNWANTED attention. Funny how this seems more applicable to females. (Note to self : Find and read the paper on A Dark Side of Happiness : How, When and Why happiness is not always good)
Although the book I'm currently reading now is focused on the US population, but what it tells me is that introverts are more common than one might believe. For the US, half the population are introverts, and as introverts ourselves, we don't even see them. For some introverts, they blend in well so that others don't even realise they're more introverted in nature. Also the book touched on the ups and downs on introverted societies like the Nordic nations and Japan versus the extroverted Western societies, and it really drove home the meaning to find a balance in life,but if that was easy, then life wouldn't be worth living.
Right now at this very moment, I can finally appreciate my environment,living with my parents alone without visitors constantly passing, peace and quiet with a small patch of jungle to look at, and a scenic view of the nearby places. Having my elder siblings move out gave me my own room which I spend most of my time in, and still I'm perfectly okay with it, although I do need to go out to socialise just for a bit. Perhaps I can even reason with myself that I dislike children is because they intrude onto my private property by creating noise. Either way, I know I can shut my door to create the safest place for me to hide in. I'm not emotionless, nor a snob, or anti-social, I just react to things as authentic as I can be. I prefer a messy hairstyle because it's repel attention from me. I keep quiet because I don't have anything useful to contribute to the conversation. I am passionate about what I like, even if my interests are small, but I do want to know as much as I can find on my topics of interests. In this sense, I feel reborned. I felt like going through therapy has uncovered metaphorical artifacts that are previously unknown to me. It revealed itself to me in it's most plainest form, and despite being buried for so long, it's still relevant and useful for as long as I continue to live on. These metaphorical artifacts are simply a set of ideals that I live by, and despite how broken I am, I can't and won't let go of how I live my life. (Incidentally, I learnt of this from IDW transformers comic and it gave me a lot more new perspective on life too) For now, I'll continue to obverse myself and better understand my actions now that I found comfort in being different.
"We're encouraged to keep moving, to look for that happy place - and buy it if we can. But introverts are wired to pause and reflect; we're attracted to questions; we want the whole story. So we might stumble onto sadness on the way to the truth. Is that really a problem?"
Introverts also tend to seek out therapy more than extroverts, because they are eager to understand themselves better. Yet funnily enough, all the struggles in my life gave me purpose for living. I am thankful for having the opportunity to try and become a better version of me. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't study in the UK, got depressed, came home, got sent to IMH, went through many therapy sessions, decided to pick up reading, and then by chance coming across my first self help book that truly caught my eye. I remember in the past I was talking about hedonism,and this book helps me to describe why maximising pleasure while minimising pain is actually an unhappy pursuit. It's really simple and that's because introverts do enjoy happiness but we want to solve problems and find meaning more,and that is more stimulating than to always put on a smiling face and execute the get-happy mandate. Using this knowledge, I think I can validate myself as an introvert, because rather than working on materialistic goals, even like personal grooming etc,i prefer to work and analyse the inner self. Having a stylish hairstyle doesn't instantly mean you're a good person, and vice versa. Personally, I definitely know there's a theme of quality of quantity here, whether is it friends or goals or experiences or items. If I really was so desperate for a girlfriend,wouldn't I have dressed and groomed myself better so to attract as many girls as possible? Yet, I still stubbornly prefer my own style because it feels comfortable to me and is really not a risk worth taking to attract UNWANTED attention. Funny how this seems more applicable to females. (Note to self : Find and read the paper on A Dark Side of Happiness : How, When and Why happiness is not always good)
Although the book I'm currently reading now is focused on the US population, but what it tells me is that introverts are more common than one might believe. For the US, half the population are introverts, and as introverts ourselves, we don't even see them. For some introverts, they blend in well so that others don't even realise they're more introverted in nature. Also the book touched on the ups and downs on introverted societies like the Nordic nations and Japan versus the extroverted Western societies, and it really drove home the meaning to find a balance in life,but if that was easy, then life wouldn't be worth living.
Right now at this very moment, I can finally appreciate my environment,living with my parents alone without visitors constantly passing, peace and quiet with a small patch of jungle to look at, and a scenic view of the nearby places. Having my elder siblings move out gave me my own room which I spend most of my time in, and still I'm perfectly okay with it, although I do need to go out to socialise just for a bit. Perhaps I can even reason with myself that I dislike children is because they intrude onto my private property by creating noise. Either way, I know I can shut my door to create the safest place for me to hide in. I'm not emotionless, nor a snob, or anti-social, I just react to things as authentic as I can be. I prefer a messy hairstyle because it's repel attention from me. I keep quiet because I don't have anything useful to contribute to the conversation. I am passionate about what I like, even if my interests are small, but I do want to know as much as I can find on my topics of interests. In this sense, I feel reborned. I felt like going through therapy has uncovered metaphorical artifacts that are previously unknown to me. It revealed itself to me in it's most plainest form, and despite being buried for so long, it's still relevant and useful for as long as I continue to live on. These metaphorical artifacts are simply a set of ideals that I live by, and despite how broken I am, I can't and won't let go of how I live my life. (Incidentally, I learnt of this from IDW transformers comic and it gave me a lot more new perspective on life too) For now, I'll continue to obverse myself and better understand my actions now that I found comfort in being different.
