I've been trying to apply what my therapist taught me,and it seems like I was given a good opportunity to do so when my parents left for holidays last wednesday, and they won't be back until this coming wednesday. So I had to take care of myself again, and it feels great at least for the moment when they're gone, to be in charge of my own life. I hope this means it's a sign of progress that I'm working on towards my goal of working overseas. I've also started writing more on my dairy book on what I've been doing daily. I just haven't been working on my story for a week or so now,no inspiration,but like I said,i'll take it slow. I'm also working on writing up some random stuff and perhaps some motivational quotes for myself. I just need to get myself to do all these things because at least I know I'm not wasting my life away doing nothing productive. I wish I can get some signs of reassurance from someone,anyone,but in the end,it's still my life, and no one's going to save me from myself. On a related note, I'm still thinking about her from time to time. I wonder how's she doing? Settled down yet? Got a successful career? I still regret not trying to establish a relationship with her,but I also know that I can't force things. I think i remember this quote that says if I love someone, I need to let them go. Not sure if that's the exact quote,but yeah. I don't know why,but I just felt like being in a relationship will motivate me more than anything else in my life right now to improve myself.
Deep inside in my mind, I kept recreating scenarios again and again. I felt the need to keep planning and expecting the unknown, and that's somewhat accurate to my personality type, the rational/mastermind, although I'll still not take the MBTI thing too seriously. I also remember hearing some video or post about love being a ultimate cure for loneliness, depression, etc. Not that I will know,since I've never been in love before. Still struggling to come to terms with my emotions, it's not something I should fight against, just like my negative voice. I need to co-ordinate my logic and emotions together, to function properly. Relying too much of logic leads to ruthlessness, and too much of emotions lead to impulsiveness. I don't know where you are, how you're doing, whether you're still available, but I do hope to meet you again for a drink or two just to catch up with life if we can still be friends. Anyway, this is as much as I can let out for now,it's almost time to sleep and there's still awkwardly embarrassingly silly cringy stuff that I want to talk about regarding love and all that. I think I made a good effort here and I'm going to keep at it until it becomes normal.
