Reposting this from FB

I only begun to talk to my psych about my NS issues in the past yesterday, and all through last week until today I keep getting pestered by mindeaf sms/emails/automated calls on a daily basis. I responded to the ICT and mob manning sms but haven't acknowledged it yet because i want to consult with my psych more and it's still too early to know what progress i'll be making in 6 months time when august comes. I'm feeling so freaking mad at mindeaf. Can't they just leave me the fuck alone for a while. I'm so distracted now by this I can't even focus on what i'm doing at the moment.

I have to keep tearing myself down bit by bit every time i go for each psychotherapy session, and leaves me feeling vunerable each time,but I'm trying to get back on my feet,and Mindeaf is trying to reverse my progress for fucks sake. I'm at this point where I'm afraid i might do something drastic to get back at mindeaf,maybe screaming into their hotline number or burning away my uniforms or throwing away my army stuff because I'm feeling even more hate and anger and resentment at them.

So fucking annoying and helpless when the only person who's trying to help me in my psych. I have never felt this sort of anger before in me,and I now know that I know nothing on how to release my stress in a harmless way, which is why I fucking need to find a way to defer my IPPT,yes fucking IPPT, mob manning bullshit and ict until unless i'm feeling ok to continue. I'm not fit right now because of depression giving me extra weight,and I can't go do ippt now because I don't feel like i'm capable to do so. Same applies for mobbing and ict.

Can they stop fucking sending me reminders daily? Some people might not even be in sg during this period and if they miss it then they're screwed. send reminders once a week/2 weeks/a month still sounds fucking better. Fuck you mindeaf/saf/singapore army, thanks to you I feel even more violent and aggressive than I have ever felt so far.

I really don't know why i'm doing this to myself,thinking about everything so negatively, feeling so upset easily, causing myself to keep being depressed. I feel like i'm being pointed with a gun behind my head to acknowledge mindeaf messages. If that's the case, I might as well fake happiness,and immediately acknowledge ict so i can go back,get cleared to handle firearms & live ammo and then shoot myself with it. I never can find the courage to stand up to the black dog named depression.

Right after i typed this post, i cried so crazily i thought it wasn't possible at all,but i was wrong.