#5

What the hell am i doing? I just put another 2 sec sch friends on restricted on facebook,but now I unblocked them. I don't even know why. The weather is so warm,it's making me feel irritated and uncomfortable. I need to focus now,focus on making my next therapy session important as the last one. The last one was by far the hardest, having to talk despite being angry. I don't even understand why I manage to do what I did then. I hope for more explanation. I also need motivation, encouragement, updates on my progress. I felt like any single step that I take is not being rewarded or acknowledged and that doesn't really give me any incentive to go ahead and do it. An army friend messaged me on facebook, and now I realised for some reason that my army friends are actually really supportive of me,whatever i'm going through and all that shit,while the school friends are being passive and out of the way from me. That one message actually motivated me to continue the chat, and it's so simple and takes so little time that I can't believe no others would actually want to do the same. This only made me believe that they're actually bothered to contact me,and this morning I woke up thinking about it and made the choice to restrict another 2 of my sec sch friends.

Who the hell am i? What have i become? Why am i so demanding, dependent, easily annoyed or angered? I wish someone can tell me what I was like in the past.