#13

Until tomorrow's therapy session, I think I did enough. I initiated chat to meet up,and I went to the gym but it was full,so I'll go again another day. All these seems easy enough,but just before I did it,i felt so apprehensive, so afraid. I'm glad I did it anyway,even if it's going to be as just hard the next time round.  Thanks for being patient with me. I want to put this down so that it serves as my alternative to my dairy i'm writing now, I'll know what little steps to make my life a little better,so that I won't have to suffer so much in the future. Change is inevitable. Everyone and everything changes, I used to dislike change, because I'm afraid. Now, I have to change because I'm afraid to being even more stubborn of change as I get older. Change what I can now,sacrifice who I am for who I can become tomorrow. I really want to stop fucking around and make a change in my life. I don't want to continue to rely on others to sort out my life. I want to make others angry and upset again. I don't want to be toxic to others. I want to be a loyal friend,someone who is willing to listen and not judge on their actions. I want to travel, to learn a new language, to keep learning. Learning is so important to me, but at the moment I don't know how to explain it,but it opens my mind to many other possibilities that I can do with my life. I felt like I have many potential talents and abilities, but I just don't know how to release them. It's like being an object having potential energy (stored energy) but can't find the momentum to release it into kinetic energy. Yeah,nerd talk,whatever. I'm also thinking about writing a short story about a journey through the cosmos,and relating my life to that. idk