#22

Another depressing 25th Dec. Fuck,it's as if i went back in time where all the events happened again. Sis's family came over,last minute overwhelmed with negativity, locked myself in my room and cried. It's been a while since I felt this bad, and it felt so familiar as if I went back in time,even crying in the same spot. I wish i knew how to describe this pain,but all i know is it sucked so fucking hard. Felt like my life is collapsing again. I can't handle my life anymore. Friendless and lonliness is killing me day by day. Being an introvert makes me even more confused when i want company. Fuck this. Being a loner,introvert and having anti-social behaviour really sucked even more. I'm sorry, if I choose to take my life one day,will you remember me for who i am? Will you attend my funeral? Will you miss me? I doubt it. No one really cares unless it profits them. That's why I feel so distant to almost every one of my friends. I bet if they suddenly ask me out,it's only as a reaction to this post. I'm sick and tired of my life,accomplishing nothing, having not felt any love or being loved before, doing nothing for others yet expecting so much in return, being toxic, hypocritical,always emo,it's too fucking much. It's just too much to deal with right now, I just felt so unwanted,felt like rubbish ready to be incinerated.

I just need to vent. I just need to let people know.