#60

No, I don't plan on going to any of those skillsfuture courses at the moment. I want to focus on things that are more important to me than those skills.

No, I actually really do enjoy being at home and being online. Fuck off, I didn't ask to be an introvert,but as an introvert, this is what I do.

No, I'm not always gaming all the time. Simple minded people always assume things before anything else.

No, I don't actually talk to anyone online, which makes me even more lonely than ever. As of this post, I am making some progress in trying to add people to play games with, it is hard sometimes because people got different time zones and schedules, but I am trying to interact more, even if it's with people online.

No, my real life friends, despite being able to meet in groups of less than 5, has made 0 efforts for a meetup, and being cut off from my weekly peer support group sessions, my efforts so far until covid-19 hit has been pushed back. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm going to give it a lot of time, it may take years, but if people are going to try to push their agenda to me, they can fuck off. Because self-improvement is the only thing I value and is worth the time doing now. If I can't take care of myself now, how can I survive when parents are gone?

No, I don't pretend to be close to my family. Mum doesn't understand. No good relationship with sister. Brother too far away. Dad blur and aging. Relatives irrelevant and useless. Nobody else I can rely on, so that is why progress has been so slow.

I have plans. I wanted to go down and buy the shoes myself. I also wanted to go swimming even though I didn';t have clearance from my doc, but I can always call. If I went down to buy the shoes myself, I can grab some trunks and goggles too even if I don't get clearance to swim now, there's always next time. I plan to go for weekly PSG sessions once it resumes physical meetings. I also plan to work overseas again as usual because it would solve a shit ton of issues I have as compared to living with parents at home. I desperately need that challenge, and that is why I refuse any other opportunities offered to me. Also I skipped the last few virtual PSG meetings because it just isn't the same and I'm just not motivated.

All of these emotions arose when I kind off felt a little cheesed off when the internet cut me off from an online game and forced me to quit, and then Dad asked if I wanted to talk on skype with brother, then ask me if I wanted to go buy shoes with mum and dad. It's not easy to understand what just happened, but all I know is, I am definitely feeling more easily annoyed these days as compared to pre-covid days.