I most likely will not return back to the UK for studies anymore. I can't take it. I can't go back to a THIRD YEAR course that I skipped the first year,then failed the second. Besides, I'm not sure if i'm still interested in my course subjects. What do I want to do now? Quit the course and drop out? Continue? Transfer the another course? Do long distance learning? I don't fucking know.
Even if I want to return,I'm not sure if I'm fit to return given my current state of mind. I just had a terrible bout of depression today and just cried the hardest since 2013/2014. I felt dreary and lethargic this afternoon,and had to put in so much effort to drag myself to the gym. After dinner, those depressing thoughts came back again and I couldn't hold back my tears.
I only know my life is hollow and useless. I'm just a good for nothing person,wasting parents' money. I don't like most seafood, getting drunk,going clubs, football,I have no life, zero job experience,no degree certificate,nothing. I try to be grateful for what I have,but it's so hard to think when I'm so upset. I feel so weak; for hiding away to cry so others won't see me as weak, and for letting all the thoughts sink into me when I could have prevented it all from happening.
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