#49

Had ENT appointment today, and again my doc and I discussed whether we should patch up the area in my ear that is harder to clean, and if the surgery proceeds, I will probably' not need to endure as much discomfort/dizziness from ear cleaning as I am now. It isn't really anything serious, more of a convenience  and comfort thing. I sort of don't want to undergo surgery again, but the costs of each appointment is going up, and my dad also wanted me to go take up that surgery, so i got to overcome my reluctance first :/

As of now, I think my mood more or less as stabilized, so I think the current dosage is good to maintain until I make progress with my goals and eventually lower the dosage even more. Anyway, a confession I must make. I admit I'm just being lazy and over indulging in my routine, to listen and rate music daily and play games, and a bit of exercise in the evening and that's it. 2 days I'll go to the gym, and once every 6 weeks I'll go to the library. I kind of got complacent and lost track of making progress. I'm sorry, but it really isn't easy making progress alone. My parents are patient, but I still hesitate to tell them some things because it'll affect my progress. Friends these days, seem to have less and less time to meet up. I still find it difficult to discern between me as an introvert for wanting to stay indoors and have indoor hobbies instead, or hope to have more social and outdoor activities more.

Ultimately though, I wanna still be able to work overseas, no matter how improbably the odds are at finding a job for someone like me, who graduated a few years ago, have no job experience, and probably only will obtain internship for a year or so. Some of my plans actually depended on this to happen, like going travelling and exploring new cities more is much more easily done when I'm nearer to the places of interest. I guess as who being complacent, my rough plan is to take a review of what I've written down in my blog as well as my journal that I keep on the progress that I've been making since the start. It's easy to have ideas and say them, but it's a lot harder to actually translate it into action.

I just need to be more patient with myself, yet try out tasks that are risky but achievable, and finally just to keep making progress instead of stagnating.