#88

 To  add on from  the previous post, i had a crush on that co-worker that I talked about, but we never had the time to talk properly, and I'm the kind who wants too sit down and talk about stuff and find out about our lives.  I really think we had the potential to be together, but for fuck's sake, there's no time to talk. Nothing at all. The times we bumped into each other, we talked about work stuff. To be fair, I don't even know her marital status, but something tells me she's single. Because of her very loose schedule, and her behaviour, i kind of suspected already she's single and not looking. the problem is, recently we've been talking more and more and i don't know if it's a coincidence, but i bumped into her at our common area, the store room, a few times, and also she texted me about my schedule for the chinese new year week, which is weird because neither of us are working that day when she texted. I texted back a few days later and she responded so i assumed that it was her real number and not a working number. but anyway, earlier this week (22 feb to 1 mar week), we bumped into each other again in the store room, and i ignored her and went to put back some goods, and she just came over to talk to me. i don't know if it's just friendliness or not, that's why i never dared to talk anything else besides work stuff. yesterday, however, i had a mini depressive episode and that triggered a lot of unhappy memories about my work and i admitted i went away from my store to calm myself down for about 1/2 hour, and then decided to call mindline for a quick vent to a counsellor. i think this is the 4th time im feeling this way and this time i felt really bad, so bad i had so text people to talk. i also mentioned that i felt lonely, and this feeling of loneliness, hating the boring work, not being able to know my co-worker with some feeling attached to her, led me to have a little breakdown yesterday (28/2). so i decided i have to quit no matter what, even if i will become jobless now.

 Now that I'm taking a week off to think about resigning, I'm forced to have to let go of the feelings I have for her. I'm forced to distance myself, to avoid her at any cost.  i'll probably update this again tomorrow